The One Thing Killing Your Influence (That Nobody Will Tell You)

Listen to the full conversation with Rene Rodriguez where we dive deep into the self-awareness gap, why your blind spots aren't actually blind, and how to finally see what everyone else already sees.

Watch the Episode | Listen to the Podcast

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Rene Rodriguez weighed 307 pounds and couldn't get anyone to listen to him. Stumbling over words. Invisible in every room. The kind of guy whose ideas died before they left his mouth.

Today he commands stages of 12,000 people and has trained over 100,000 leaders in behavioral neuroscience.

This week on the podcast, Rene revealed what changed. After 27 years studying why some people have massive influence while others can't get anyone to listen, he discovered it comes down to one thing most people never even consider.

Self-awareness.

Not confidence. Not charisma. Not communication skills.

Self-awareness—your ability to accurately understand how you actually affect other people.

Here's why this matters more than anything else you'll ever learn about influence. You can't adjust what you can't see. If you think you're being clear but everyone's confused, you'll never fix the real problem. If you think you're inspiring but everyone's bored, you'll keep doing the wrong thing harder. If you think you're helping but everyone's avoiding you, you'll never understand why you're failing.

Your influence is capped by your self-awareness. You can only be as influential as you are accurate about your actual impact.

And here's where it gets devastating.

The 90% Delusion

Research shows 90% of people claim to be self-aware. Only 15% actually are.

That means nine out of ten people walking around believing they understand their impact, believing they know how they come across, believing they can read the room—are completely wrong.

"The moment I think I'm self-aware," Rene told me, "is the moment I've stopped being self-aware."

Because self-awareness isn't something you achieve. It's something you constantly question. The moment you're certain you have it, you've lost it. The moment you think you understand your impact, you've gone blind to it.

Think about that person who tells jokes at the wrong time. Who dominates conversations thinking they're contributing. Who thinks they're the life of the party while everyone's checking their phones. That person would rate themselves as highly self-aware. They genuinely believe they understand their impact.

Mathematics says that person is probably you.

Not definitely you. But probably you. Because if 90% think they get it but only 15% do, the odds aren't in your favor.

How This Gap Destroys Your Influence Daily

When you operate from this delusion, every interaction becomes a missed shot in the dark.

You pitch an idea thinking you sound passionate. They hear desperate. You give feedback thinking you're being helpful. They feel attacked. You lead a meeting thinking you're engaging. They're counting ceiling tiles. You make a joke thinking you're lightening the mood. They think you're not taking things seriously.

Each misfire happens because you're broadcasting on a frequency nobody's receiving. But since you don't know there's a gap between your intent and their experience, you can't fix it. So you do the same thing harder. Louder. More often. Wondering why nothing lands.

When Rene's content went viral, he got 30,000 comments. Six thousand said he looked like Mike from Breaking Bad. Not fifty. Not five hundred. Six thousand separate people saw the same thing. Most people would delete those comments and focus on the positive. Rene saw it differently.

"Your haters will tell you things your best friends won't," he said. Because patterns in feedback reveal blind spots. And blind spots aren't actually blind—everyone else sees them clearly.

Think about feedback you've gotten repeatedly. The same issue in multiple reviews.

The same response from different people. That's not coincidence. That's your lack of self-awareness announcing itself to everyone but you.

The Spiral This Creates

Rene asked me to imagine walking into a room where nobody notices. Sharing ideas nobody cares about. Casting visions nobody follows. The word that describes that feeling isn't frustration. It's insignificance.

And when you feel insignificant, you start questioning everything. Why am I in this meeting if nobody hears me? Why am I in this job if I can't make an impact? Why do I even try if nothing works?

But here's the tragedy. You're not failing because your ideas are bad or your vision is wrong. You're failing because you're operating from a completely false understanding of how you affect people. You're trying to influence from fantasy instead of reality.

Until you see that gap—until you understand the difference between how you think you're coming across and how you actually are—you'll stay stuck in the spiral.

Working harder at the wrong things. Getting louder when you should be getting clearer. Adding more when you should be adjusting what's already there.

The Counterintuitive Path to Real Influence

After decades of commanding massive stages, Rene still assumes he doesn't see himself clearly. Still questions his impact. Still asks what he's missing.

Not because he lacks confidence. Because he understands that the moment he thinks he's figured out his impact is the moment he loses touch with it.

While everyone else is defending their self-perception, he's investigating his blind spots. While they're explaining away feedback, he's finding patterns. While they're certain about their self-awareness, he's certain he lacks it.

And that perpetual doubt—that constant questioning—is exactly what makes him influential. Because it keeps him connected to reality instead of lost in delusion.

Your Move

Tomorrow, you'll walk into a room. Share an idea. Try to influence someone. When they respond differently than you expected, you'll have two choices.

You can protect your self-perception. Blame them for not getting it. Stay in the 90% who think they understand their impact but don't.

Or you can wonder if maybe you're broadcasting something you can't see.

For the next 30 days, assume you're in the 90%. After every interaction that doesn't go as planned, ask yourself: What did they experience that I didn't intend? Track the patterns. Not the one-offs, but the patterns. The consistent gaps between your intent and their response.

I guarantee you'll discover blind spots that have been sabotaging your influence for years. Blind spots that everyone else has been seeing clearly.

The question isn't whether you lack self-awareness. Statistics say you do. Your struggles with influence prove you do.

The question is whether you'll admit it.

Because the difference between the person nobody notices and the person who commands the room isn't charisma or confidence or communication skills.

It's who's willing to see reality instead of defending their delusion.

Your choice.

Leo